3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
