Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
