I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
