Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
