He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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