Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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