Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
