My nipple is on Facebook.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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