capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
