Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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