So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
