I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
