We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
