I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Randomize
