put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My dad just said "fuck circus"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
