well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
