Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
