Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
