No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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