Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
