I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
