i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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