Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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