i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
