I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
