i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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