I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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