My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
