You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
