his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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