Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The struggles of a small town man whore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
