but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
