sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
