Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
