i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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