Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
