Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
