we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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