Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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