I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize