It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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