I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
