Barsexuality is the new black.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
