I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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