how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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