Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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