the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
