ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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