Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
