He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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