You just made me feel so damn special
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
