i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
