nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
