Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
