people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize