he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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