I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
