If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
