So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
