Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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