is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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