So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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