I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize