shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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