John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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