you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
