Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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