Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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