I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
