Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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