The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
