Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
