i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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