Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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