Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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