well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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