Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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