Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
