your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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