I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
