Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
