He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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