I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize