Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
