So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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