Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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