If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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