quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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